ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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