Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
