I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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