His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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