I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Found the puke drawer
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
