So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
