Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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