We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
