its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
