Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
