Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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