and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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