My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
