drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
