im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
