Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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