my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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