finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
