can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
