Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
