Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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