Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
