Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize