so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
