So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
