wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
