Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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