Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize