I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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