I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just pee around me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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