So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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