I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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