Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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