$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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