you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
