if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
