please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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