She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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