i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
