So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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