Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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