biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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