you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize