Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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