either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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