what day is it and did you see me today?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
