So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
