barbara walters just said penis...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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