theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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