I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
