I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
