I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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