apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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