someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
thus making me awesome and them whores
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
