I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
