People in love make me want to vomit
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
