I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
