i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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