I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
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Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize