I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
