Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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