:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
