i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
