My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
