Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
