dude i'm inner monologue high
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
