Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We are two peas in an std pod
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We need to get me chipped asap
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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