he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
