I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
