bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
