Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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